Monday, February 11, 2013

Spider Eyelashes

Y’all, my eyelashes look like spider legs. Only the bottom ones. It makes me very very sad. Because it also makes me feel like a fifteen year old who doesn’t know how to apply mascara.

I don’t really know what’s been going on with me lately, but I’ve been putting in approximately zero effort when it comes to my appearance. And the people who know me know that I love putting in effort because I think it’s fun and who doesn’t like to feel pretty!? No one, that’s who. Everyone wants to feel pretty in their own way.

Which I recognize is not my way – which consists of freaking out if I spend more than 30 mins getting ready, rocking the four inch heels for approximately 12 minutes before taking them off and wearing way too much eye makeup. I’m under the illusion it works for me. Y’all do whatever works for you, no judgment. (Actually, I’ll probably judge. But I’ll judge with love!)

Anyway, where I was going with this is that usually I wear way too much eye makeup. The best day of my life was when Urban Decay came out with their Perversion 24/7 eyeliner pencil. It is so black, so matte and soooo easy to use, it just rolls right on! Way less scary than liquid liner. And I recognize that it’s a little bit tragic that the best day of my life involves an eyeliner pencil, but what can you do, really? You’ve got to take delight in the little things.

So, while in the middle of my “putting in no effort”, I discovered while out and about with no eye makeup on that I was going to have to go somewhere. Without going home first. Where it would be important that I looked somewhat decent and nothing like a twelve-year-old who was coming off of a Friday night sleepover with her BFFs. (This is 100% what I look like with no makeup on. There is a reason I still get ID’ed 82% of the time even though I’ve been legally able to drink for eight years.) So I did the only reasonable thing – I went to MAC, told a really sweet girl my sob story and convinced her to do my makeup for free. Score!

Now, the thing is, the really sweet girl I told my story to was one of those MAC girls with a lot of makeup, even for a MAC girl. Like, green and purple eyeshadow and insane falsies. Also, it was her second day ever. And she really wanted me to look hot. So she put a ton of work and care into doing my makeup, but she also put a lot of makeup on me. (Granted, maybe my own fault for telling her that I wore black eyeliner and mascara every day. Which I did. Before I decided to turn into a hobo.) I deemed it necessary to reward her for her hard work and excessive amounts of product by buying something that she had used on me. So I bought the mascara!

And I do love it. It’s dark and it’s lengthening and thickening and everything that a mascara promo tells you that you need. But there is always a lot of product on the wand and it makes my bottom eyelashes look like little teeny tiny spider legs!

This is me:

Except not actually. And this may have been the most pointless blog post in the history of ever. It’s a good thing I’ve got other good qualities…

So, friends, let’s stop talking about me. What makes you feel pretty?

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