Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Uniform of Creepers at the Bar

I can hear you now. “Erin, creepers at the bar don’t have a uniform. What a generalizing statement!” “Erin, don’t judge a book by its cover.” “Erin, how dare you make such a sweeping generalization!”

First of all, I’m surprised that I’ve raised such vitriol in my readers when for all intents and purposes this is actually my first post. Also, you absolutely can judge a book by its cover… its creepy, creepy try-hard cover. And also by its actions that accompany said cover. So, I’m just going to say… you can look beyond the uniform I am going to detail below. Go right ahead. But don’t be surprised when you end up getting followed all over the bar all night by the Creeper at the Bar.

The creeper at the bar will be wearing: a ball cap (always facing forward), a short sleeved button down (usually plaid, very occasionally striped) and Timberlakes (or possibly a Timberlake knock-off). He will be wearing all three of these pieces. If only one piece is missing, he is probably not a creeper… just someone with unfortunate fashion sense. Or someone whose friends dragged him out to the bar on laundry day. However, for that caveat to work, the missing piece should probably be the Timberlakes. Because no one should ever wear workboots out to the bar and I’m really not sure how to justify that piece away… every guy I know who has to wear workboots to work (and I work for a railway and go out into the field so “every guy” is a lot of guys!) changes into his boots when he gets there. There is no “straight from work” excuse, friends!

And why is this the uniform of the socially awkward creeper? Because it is so so close to what the normal, hot non-socially awkward guys (NHGs) who they see getting all the girls wear to the club. Except that the NHGs generally keep their hair safe for human viewing and do not need a baseball cap so if they choose to wear one it is for a purpose. (Creepers may also have hair safe for human viewing but do not realize that there is purpose behind wearing a hat and they are not for all times!) NHGs will also wear a lot of plaid, because it is insane trendy and sexy, but generally they just roll up the sleeves of a standard plaid shirt. (The proportions of the creeper plaid will also always be a little bit off, usually too big, so they look like they came from Underground.) And I’ve always addressed the workboot thing but… seriously! NGHs just wear nice casual shoes! I know, dress codes for bars are scary things but Sketchers makes a ton of nice non-“runner” casual shoes. There continues to never be an excuse for workboots.

Recognize the creeper. Be aware he will dance near you as if you are friends. Do not accept his offer of free drinks unless you see something beneath the creepiness that you want to pursue. And, seriously, take a look around the next time you are out for some drinks with some friends. It’s a uniform.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Intro Post of "About Me"

You would not believe how many “About Me” blog pages I read getting ready to write this first, initial “About Me” post. Dozens. Literally, dozens.

Or maybe about seven.

They’re tough posts to write, though! You’ve got about 300 words to sum yourself up, sum up what you want to communicate in your blog, give a taste of your personality and writing style, be witty if you’re witty… balhgahel. … Or, apparently, if you’re me, just keyboard smash.

Let’s start over.

My name is Erin and I am a 26 year old actress and corporate trainer who lives in the windy and sunny Calgary, Alberta. So I am a quarter of a century old… and a bit. I spend my days trying to balance between doing plays and being a know-it-all so I can afford basically necessities like food, rent and shoes. I try my very best not to look like a hobo while living out of a suitcase because I occasionally travel every week to do some training and keep the railroad running. Every week or so, I actually make myself a meal that involves turning on the stove and assembling ingredients and then live on the high of that success for four days to follow. I cause awkward situations 98% of the places that go, causing my life to somewhat resemble a CW teen soap opera. (Acting in one is my DREAM, by the way.) One day I’m probably going to be a grown up.

So! I have started blogs in the past. Some of you, dear readers, may have read them. I’m not going to lie: when I created these blogs, I was young and less than wise and though they started with the most noble of intentions, they soon became overrun with the life drama! Which no one really wants. Ugh. What you want is to see pictures of the railyards I go to, read my hilarious awkward stories and listen to my musings on what it’s like to be in your mid-twenties in a city that is also figuring out who it is. This is a lifestyle blog, but I’m going to hazard a guess that it’s anything but aspirational. Especially on the days when I decide to have wine for dinner.

Leave the life drama in the past and follow me on this journey to see what it means to be A Quarter and a Bit.

(That was witty, right? See how I worked the name of the blog right in there? So clever. BAM.)